


Copycat

by DarkMidniteMage



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: also it mentions gender reassignment surgery but at the same time its not really like.... described, also there's self harm but its barely touched upon, big gender dysphoria hours, eating disorder (particularly bulimia), fuck that's a spoiler, i have no fuckin clue, idk if it counts as angst but im putting that in the tags anyways, idolization of neku which turns into an obsessive need to be exactly like him, its just mentioned that josh got it, okay so this is gonna be a long set of trigger warnings, oof, really fuckin unsafe binding, so is it really a vent?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 05:40:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19784377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkMidniteMage/pseuds/DarkMidniteMage
Summary: //READ TAGS FOR ALL THE TRIGGER WARNINGSThere’s something in the way Neku is that he wants for himself. Maybe the newfound appreciation of the world, or the way he now carries himself with a level of confidence that Joshua has become envious of, maybe even just how he hasn’t retreated into his shell again after what had been done to him at the end of the Game.Joshua wants to become exactly as Neku is, and he doesn’t care what he has to do to accomplish it.





	Copycat

There’s something in the way Neku is that he wants for himself. Maybe the newfound appreciation of the world, or the way he now carries himself with a level of confidence that Joshua has become envious of, maybe even just how he hasn’t retreated into his shell again after what had been done to him at the end of the Game.

Joshua wants to become exactly as Neku is, and he doesn’t care what he has to do to accomplish it.

**~+~**

It starts with the ideal weight he wants to meet. Joshua puts up the appearance that he’s been eating to everyone else, but when he’s finally been left alone, his fingers dance with his throat, and the fattening material disappears from his body.

He avoids going over to Sanae’s, knowing that his father is very likely to catch on to what he’s been doing. He can’t have someone attempt to interfere with his plans. They’re all he has to keep himself going.

**~+~**

The next thing Joshua does is begin to change his appearance. No longer will he wear uptight and pretentious clothing. He switches to short sleeved shirts and shorts. He purchases an abdominal binder, but he wraps it tightly around his chest instead. It hurts, but it’s worth it to be flatter than his chest binder can make him. He’s cut his hair to be short, to be more like Neku has cut his recently. He isn’t used to looking like this at all… maybe he could even say he doesn’t like it. It’s what he wants, though.

…isn’t it?

**~+~**

His personality isn’t changing in the right way at all, and he _hates_ it. He’s become more hostile, more combative. When Sanae comes over, seemingly to check on him after about six months of radio silence, Joshua slams the door in his face and storms off to his bedroom.

Of course, his dad doesn’t back off. He comes inside anyways (stupid, stupid, stupid, Joshua didn’t lock the door), then tracks the trail of things knocked over on the floor to Joshua’s bedroom. He stands in the doorway for a minute before he enters the room.

“ _Go. Away._ ” Joshua snaps.

Sanae sighs, then takes a step towards him. A wave of static is shot in his direction, and yeah, it hurts a little bit, but it was a really weak blast. He notices for the first time that Joshua is shaking slightly, mostly his hands. As a precaution in the event that the energy before was just a warning shot, Sanae put up a barrier before approaching further. There’s no other energies pushed towards him as he reaches Joshua’s bed and sits down on it.

“Josh-”

“Just leave me _alone_ ,” Joshua growls out.

“Not happening,” Sanae replies.

He pulls Joshua up into a sitting position. He notices there’s something wrong with Joshua’s chest and stomach, almost as if they’ve both… deflated...

...Is Josh…

“Joshua.”

The teen doesn’t look at Sanae. He instead is doing something with his-

“Nope, not allowed,” Sanae says as he reaches and pulls Joshua’s hands apart. He holds them tightly, keeping him from scratching himself. There’s already marks on his hands, as if he’s already been doing it recently. “Josh, are you double binding?”

Joshua doesn’t hesitate, just pops out a deadened, “No.”

Sanae really doesn’t believe him.

“So you wouldn’t have two binders on if I check, then...?” Sanae narrows his eyes at Joshua, who still refuses to meet his gaze.

“Why does it even matter if I’m double binding?” Josh says irritably. “I don’t give a single flying _fuck_ if I break a damn rib.”

Sanae pauses, watching Joshua’s body language for a few seconds. When he speaks up, it’s firm, yet gentle. “Joshua, that’s exactly _why_ it matters. You’re too willing to let yourself get hurt for no reason.”

Joshua’s head turns, a very annoyed expression in his eyes. “For _no reason_ ? So my fucking dysphoria is no fucking reason?!” He explodes with anger in less than a second. “I spend literal fucking years struggling against this bullshit of being in the wrong damn body, and it’s _no reason_ to let myself get hurt?! You think I want to be like this? You think I never look at myself in the mirror and think, ‘Maybe if my body were different, I could be happy,’? I don’t want to be like this! I don’t want to be a fucking girl! I just want to look like someone I’m not to everyone else, because I know I sure as hell won’t forget a-any fucking t-time soon that I’ll ne-ever be what th-they think I am, a...a…an...nd…”

Sanae sees the warning signs. Choking on his breath, and he’s started coughing. 

“Joshua, where’s your inhaler?” Sanae asks quickly.

“D-don’t ne-need i-it.”

Sanae’s had enough of that shit. He scans Joshua’s mind, finds that it’s on the desk in the living room, then summons it into his hand. He knows damn well that Joshua isn’t about to use it on his own accord, so he holds Joshua steady, pulls his arm away from his face, then puts the inhaler up to his lips and dispenses it. He continues to hold Joshua steady, making sure he doesn’t sink down against the bed where he can’t breathe properly. He gently begins to run his hand along Joshua’s back, and… Is that… a velcro strip?

Joshua tries to move away as Sanae puts his hand up the back of his shirt and tears apart the velcro holding the second binder in place. He pulls it off of Joshua, setting it down on the bed behind the two of them. Joshua’s certainly breathing a lot easier without the extra restrictions, but then he starts crying, and it becomes worse again.

Sanae… has to do it. As much as he doesn’t like scanning others for no reason, he has to know what’s been going on. He has to know why Joshua has been avoiding him for over six entire months.

What he finds horrifies him.

**~+~**

Joshua lies in his dad’s bed, curled against him. The last few months… They haven’t been easy. Who knew recovering from something couldn’t be as simple as he thought?

Since that day three months ago, he’d been through… quite a bit. His dad brought him to someone in the Higher Planes who looked him over. They had given them both instructions on how to stop the constant need to purge everything he ate, and they gave them a referral to another Angel who handled something Joshua had always wanted; gender reassignment surgery. It hurt for a few months, but he actually likes his body now. He… doesn’t want to hurt it anymore. His hair is growing like a weed, getting longer quicker than he thought it would.

He closes his eyes, thinking of tomorrow. There’s one more change to his world that’s making him elated and afraid at the same time.

Tomorrow, he gets to see Neku for the first time in almost a year.


End file.
